How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the Rule of Rethinking
How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the Rule of Rethinking
https://jairekrobbins.com/how-emotionally-intelligent-people-use-the-rule-of-rethinking/
19 April 2022
Lets discuss one aspect of emotional intelligence which can keep you on a trajectory of growth on your path to success.
What is the rule of rethinking?
The rule of rethinking refers to a tendency to pause and reconsider views, perspectives, beliefs and approaches that differ from your own. By nature, humans are wired to immediately reject or dismiss opinions, perspectives and beliefs which differ from our own.
This ‘instinctive’ urge to reject what we don’t agree with can hold us back from making progress and from living harmoniously with those around us. For example, someone whose religious beliefs are against the eating of certain types of meat/animals may try to compel those around them not to eat those animals.
The rule of rethinking comes in at this point and helps us to take a more logical look at what the other person has to say. When implemented regularly, the rule of rethinking can help us evolve or adapt as more evidence is presented to us in contradiction of what we thought.
Why don’t we practice the rule of rethinking by default?
There are two key reasons why implementing the rule of rethinking doesn’t come automatically to everyone. The first reason is that human beings are emotional creatures, and we get strongly attached to our beliefs. This emotional attachment to our beliefs can get so strong that those beliefs become our identity and we face an ‘existential threat’ when those beliefs are challenged.
The second key reason why rethinking isn’t automatic is that we hate to be wrong. It is an ego thing. Admitting that you are wrong means that your ego takes a hit and your perceived sense of self will diminish by a notch or two. That is why many people resist accepting a different point of view even in the face of overwhelming evidence.
It therefore takes great effort to train yourself to practice the rule of rethinking in your day-to-day life professionally or in non-professional settings.
Embrace scientific thinking
It is important that we train ourselves to think like scientists. This doesn’t mean that you go back to school and specialize in a science discipline. What it means is that we train our minds to value learning over and above the need to prove that we are right. This calls for the humility of admitting we don’t authoritatively know everything, and admitting that we could be wrong from time to time.
If you have watched any detective or investigative show, you know that investigators try to avoid having any assumptions or preconceived theories about what happened. Instead, they start collecting evidence, analyze that evidence, and then piece together a story from the proof provided by the evidence. This is scientific thinking, and it allows investigators to keep testing different alternative explanations until the right one emerges.
In ordinary life, we all have our beliefs about different things. Scientific thinking can help us to avoid letting our beliefs cloud our judgment, and we can pause and think without bias about new concepts or beliefs that differ from our own.
Steps to practicing the rule of rethinking
The task of training our minds to implement the rule of rethinking is easier said than done, but with dedicated effort it can be achieved and you will put yourself firmly on a path of growth.
The first thing that you need to do when confronted by a view that contrasts with yours is to ask yourself a number of open-ended questions. These questions may include;
- What are the facts, and am I aware of all of them?
- Why am I passionate about my belief on this matter?
- Is there something I haven’t remembered correctly?
- Do I just want to be correct or my belief is justifiable?
- My thoughts on this matter notwithstanding, is there anything I can learn from this alternative viewpoint?
One major advantage of taking the time to ask yourself questions like those above is that your mind will look more logically at the matter instead of your emotions remaining in control. As a result of taking an objective look at the subject, it is possible that the logic behind it will persuade you to change your mind.
Is it all wasted when you consider the question above and still remain unconvinced? Not really; you see, you will score major points from the person you are interacting with because they will see that you made an honest effort to look at things from their perspective. You listened objectively, and that is often all that is needed. People want to be listened to.
The second step to making the rule of rethinking part of you is by repeating the statement “Sometimes I am wrong” several times each day. As you keep repeatedly saying that statement aloud, your subconscious mind will pick up on it and you will become more open to changing your views on different subjects. Your ego will no longer be badly bruised when presented with evidence that your earlier view was wrong, and you will experience growth as a result of acknowledging that sometimes you can be wrong.
Summing it up…
The rule of rethinking is more important today than it ever was. Change is happening at a fast pace, and our beliefs or ideas about how things should be are constantly being challenged. To survive in this environment, we need to unshackle our mind from all the rigidities we have developed over time, and the rule of rethinking can be a valuable guide in helping us understand and navigate the changes around us. Remember, if you aren’t growing, you are dying. Choose growth!
To Your Success,
Jairek Robbins
How can you keep an open mind, manage your emotions, and learn more? Enter the rule of rethinking.
EXPERT OPINION BY JUSTIN BARISO, AUTHOR, EQ APPLIED @JUSTINJBARISO
Feb 27, 2022
Recently, my wife and I got into a disagreement. It wasn’t about anything consequential, but it was a passionate conversation. At one point, my wife demonstrated that she knew much more about this subject than I did, and that I was making some assumptions that simply weren’t true.
Suddenly, I got silent.
“I’m sorry,” my wife said. “Are you OK?”
Of course, my wife hadn’t done anything wrong. To the contrary, she was right. My ego had simply taken a hit. And while I realized that intellectually that my wife was right, I wasn’t ready to accept it emotionally.
The question now was: How could I get past those hurt feelings and move forward?
Enter the rule of rethinking.
The rule of rethinking is based on principles of emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and manage emotions. It’s a principle I’ve found helps me immensely, not only in my personal life, but also in how I run and grow my business.
Let’s break down how this rule can help you to manage your feelings, adopt a growth mindset, and think more like a scientist.
(If you find value in the “rule of rethinking,” you might be interested in my full emotional intelligence course — which includes 20 more rules that help you develop your emotional intelligence. Check out the full course here.)
How the rule of rethinking helps you think, learn, and grow
The rule of rethinking is simple:
When you’re presented with information that is different from what you believe, you resist the urge to immediately dismiss it. Instead, you force yourself to listen carefully; then, you examine the new idea in the light of available evidence.
The rule of rethinking is valuable because, first, we all get emotionally attached to our beliefs. And, second, everyone hates to be wrong. These are just two reasons why we vehemently defend our opinions, even when we haven’t taken the time to analyze or properly vet those opinions.
“I think too many of us spend too much time thinking like preachers, prosecutors, and politicians,” psychologist Adam Grant, author of Think Again, said in an interview. “When we’re in preacher mode, we’re convinced we’re right; when we’re in prosecutor mode, we’re trying to prove someone else wrong; and when we’re in politician mode, we’re trying to win the approval of our audience. Each of these mental modes can stand in the way of ‘thinking again.’”
Grant recommends that instead, you learn to think like a scientist.
“Thinking like a scientist does not mean you need to own a telescope or a microscope,” he says. “It just means that you favor humility over pride and curiosity over conviction. … You don’t let your ideas become your identity. You look for reasons why you might be wrong, not just reasons why you must be right.”
This is important because, well, we’re all wrong sometimes. And, typically, the bigger the matter we’re wrong about, the much longer it takes to accept we’re wrong. By adopting the rule of rethinking, you help keep your feelings in check so you can learn from others. This helps you adopt a growth mindset, the ability to continue learning and growing, which can lead you to become more right, more often.
So, how do you get better at accepting when you’re wrong?
The key: You must learn to detach yourself emotionally from your ideas, which is about as easy as it sounds. I recommend a two-step process:
First,
ask yourself the following questions:
- Why do I feel so strongly about what I believe?
- Do I know all the facts?
- How might my emotions be influencing what I believe?
- Might I be remembering something wrong?
- Do I believe something because I want it to be true?
- Putting my personal feelings aside, what can I learn from this alternative perspective?
When you take time to think through questions like these, you focus on listening and learning. You will see things more rationally. And, in many cases, it will help you change your mind.
Even if you don’t change your mind, following this first step will earn the respect of the person you’re dealing with–because they see you’re truly listening to them, and not dismissing what they have to say.
But this doesn’t change the fact that we all hate to be wrong. So, how can we manage our egos once we realize we didn’t know a topic as well as we thought?
That brings us to the second step, which requires practice reciting a single sentence. We can say it together, three times for emphasis:
Sometimes, I’m wrong. Sometimes, I’m wrong. Sometimes, I’m wrong.
The more you get into this habit, the more you’ll realize that adjusting your viewpoint in the light of new evidence isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a sign of intelligence and growth.
So, the next time you’re faced with an alternative viewpoint (or even a bruised ego), remember the rule of rethinking: Resist the urge to dismiss that viewpoint, listen carefully, and think like a scientist.
Because recognizing that sometimes you’re wrong helps you become right more often.