The formula for Trust

The formula for Trust

It is difficult to narrow down just one tip. But this tip comes from a book called The Like Switch. It’s from a former FBI agent who was given some pretty difficult tasks, like trying to get a spy to give up information. So talk about a trust deficit. You’re entering into a situation where they have their walls up, they have their guards up, they do not want to give up the information, or you are trying to convince a foreign diplomat to turn against their country, and come work for the United States.

And the way he would do it wasn’t through coercion, it wasn’t through force, it was through building a relationship of trust. And he has a formula for friendship or a formula for trust. The formula is four pieces.

1. Proximity
   1. Proximity is, you are around a person. You’re in their general vicinity. And the more that you’re in the same proximity to them, that has a tendency to start building familiarity and trust.
2. Frequency
   1. The more often you are around the person, it starts to build that familiarity and starts to build trust and friendship.
3. Duration
   1. You’re starting to maximize how much time you can spend with the person building familiarity.
4. Intensity
   1. The intensity part is interesting. It’s getting beyond the small talk. Getting a little deeper than just our normal shallow conversations. If we get to the point in the relationship of trust where we’re being vulnerable and we’re starting to to discuss things openly - maybe we made a mistake on some project, and we’re owning up to it and taking responsibility for it.
   2. That level of intensity builds trust and familiarity.

So if we can keep that formula in mind, and focus on the relationships outside of work, relationships at work, professional relationships, but being around building that familiarity, then a byproduct of that is, they’re going to trust us more. And what’s nice is, oftentimes, there’s a halo effect between trust and confidence. The more we can build familiarity and trust and friendship and rapport, the more competent we tend to be in people’s eyes.