Emotional Intelligence

Table of Contents

What is it?
Emotions
How to control your emotions?
How to deal with emotions with sincerity and presence?
Optimism and Happiness
Pleasant disposition
Book recommendations
Reading material
Tags

Do not tell crocodile that his breath stinks until you cross the river - An ancient Chinese saying.

When you want to live in the water you cannot afford to have animosity with the crocodile - An ancient Indian saying.

We are free to speak and act, but we are not free from the consequences of what we say and do. We might not care about those consequences or we might not agree that those consequences are justified, but they nonetheless have costs that we all pay.

Privilege and power ultimately determine what is a right. But it is possible to take that responsibility upon ourselves, in our daily lives, in how we act and speak to each other.

As humans, we are unique in our ability to understand that others, too, have a light of consciousness within, with its own perspective, knowledge, beliefs, intentions, emotions, and desires.

Understand that the traditional role of the storyteller is that of a purveyor of complex and detailed information. And use that fact to your advantage wisely.

When arguing with a fool, make sure the other person is not doing the same thing.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we do not have to do anything else. We do not have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen - Margaret Wheatley

Seek first to understand, then to be understood - Stephen Covey

What is it?

Emotional intelligence is critical to success in life.

What is emotional intelligence?

Put simply,

it refers to one’s ability to recognize and regulate their emotions and those of others.

For example, an emotionally intelligent person can recognize their own enthusiasm for something and then speak to team members in a way that inspires them to strive for the attainment of that goal.

Emotions

Emotions are what make us human. Make us real. The word “emotion” stands for energy in motion. Be truthful about your emotions, and use your mind and emotions in your favor, not against yourself.

Just be an observer, not a reactor, to your emotions. Most people do not know that it’s their emotions that are doing the thinking. Your emotions are your emotions, but you have got to learn to do your own thinking.

How to control your emotions?

Just try to be still and understand that things come and go - emotions come and go. The important thing is to accept them all, to embrace them all. And then you can choose to do with them what you want. Versus being controlled by emotions. - Kobe Bryant

How to deal with emotions with sincerity and presence?

Here is a great article that talks about that (in addition to a lot of other helpful topics): https://protesilaos.com/books/2022-06-25-knowledge-presence/

Pay attention to the topics “Sincerity and presence”.

Optimism and Happiness

Optimism Is Contagious. Be happy, and be optimistic. Always find the light at the end of the tunnel, the bright side of things, and be the person who motivates others to push forward even when the night is at its darkest.
Choose To Be Happy. Happiness is a choice. We all have to deal with problems and issues and unexpected headaches. We all go through our own conflicts, battle our inner demons, and suffer our personal tragedies. But at the end of the day, your mood is a choice. You can choose to sulk and drown in your own miseries, letting other people feel your negative energy and trying to gain everyone’s sympathy. But you can also choose to breathe and push those thoughts out of your mind, at least while you can. Choosing happiness doesn’t mean ignoring your own true feelings. Choosing happiness means making the long-term commitment to always push yourself towards happiness, even if you’re nowhere near that point. The simple act of pointing yourself in the direction of happiness is enough to change your mood and general vibe, for the better.
Choose to harbor positive emotions. Make the active decision to nurture a positive mindset. This is one of the quickest ways to affect your mood and outlook, which are both constantly shaping how other people feel around you. Further, maintaining positive emotions will contribute to your own satisfaction and the amount of happiness you experience. These sentiments will also positively affect the way you interact with others.
1. Choose to hold onto positive thoughts as they arise, and repeat them in your mind. Similarly, make the decision to set negative thoughts aside, and address any recurring sources of negativity.
2. Think of harboring positive emotions as providing the base of an “upwards spiral” that will contribute to your own emotional health and the enjoyment others derive in your company.
3. The more optimism you convey externally, the more positive experiences you’ll share. In turn, these will lead to greater personal and social comfort, success, and happiness.

Pleasant disposition

Pleasant people tend to be happier, not to mention more enjoyable to be around. In fact, happiness that is facilitated by pleasant interaction with one another is one of the greatest contributing factors to people’s assessment of their own well-being, not to mention their overall satisfaction with their lives. Start taking steps to develop behaviors that will increase the quality of your social interactions, and you’ll soon become a source of pleasantness in your own and others’ lives.

Keep a low profile. Don’t be obsessed with fame and fortune. Do not flaunt lavish lifestyles - on social media, or anywhere else. Stay grounded. It is possible to be a superstar without losing your sense of self. Don’t reveal anything more than you want to. The elusive nature can add to your charm. Be present, attentive and respectful. Yet, keep a part of yourself hidden away. Make it a little intriguing. Be generous - not only with your money, but with your time, your kindness and your attention.

The quality of your success will be directly determined by the quality of your relationships.

It doesn’t matter if you’re introverted or carefree, driven or laid back — what matters is how you make other people feel in your presence.
Make people feel good about themselves when they’re around you. Show interest in them. Give them the chance to tell you about what they’ve been up to, their projects or their work or their issues. You don’t have to spend hours for it - just the bare minimum of caring enough to ask about other people.
Be Confident, But Not Cocky. Confidence is having the ability to not care about all the little possible insecurities you have while showing people you embrace who you are.
Embrace and Share Your Passions. And a great way to make people instantly connect and resonate with you is by talking about your passions. Not only will this enthusiasm endear even the most solemn strangers to you immediately, but it will also inspire other people to live more openly, something we all secretly want to do.
Listen When People Speak. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.
- Narrator: When people think you’re dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just…
- Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?
  
  from the movie “Fight Club”
Don’t Take Things So Seriously. Learn how to balance seriousness and professionalism with some nonchalance. Having the ability to “let go” and not let things get to you is an attractive quality. It is something everyone wishes they could do. No one will think of you as pleasant if you constantly show that you’re one who is quick to anger. You can still have integrity while maintaining your zen, and it’s all a matter of picking your battles and knowing when a situation demands something more from you.
Treat Everyone Equally. Being a pleasant person means genuinely wanting to interact positively with everyone around you; it means always being pleasant, not just being pleasant when it will get you social points. Whether it’s the CEO of your company or the janitor, treat them with a base level of respect. A problem that many people face is — they don’t maintain a floor or minimum level of respect, because they only give respect out when they feel they need to. It is imperative that you manage up and down.
Never Forget Your Manners. Say please and thank you.
Observe yourself. After each major interaction, you can evaluate what you did well and what you can improve on. None of us are perfect and all of us have things we can improve.this and keep track of your progress.
Don’t finish the other person’s sentences for them. Don’t interrupt. Don’t be rehearsing your responses while the other person is still speaking. Sometimes, we believe we already know what the other person is saying and we try to finish the sentences for them. Interrupting someone is very rude and shows scant respect for the other person. By all means count from 1 to 10 when you have the urge of interrupting. Once you exercise that space between stimulus and response you can exercise the necessary self-restraint to avoid interrupting.
No Bragging- Of course it is important in the work environment to project yourself which will show case your accomplishments. But in our personal lives, it may be better to maintain a low key and only share our victories with our close friends who understand us for who we are.
Be magnanimous in victory and gracious in defeat – When we win we all feel great and that is the reason to go for victory. However it is good to remember that everything is temporary and so is victory. Today’s arrogance in victory may result in tomorrow’s complacency leading to defeat. The historian Arnold Toynbee said that nothing fails like success. He examined the rise and fall of twenty-six civilizations over 3000 years and he basically came with the challenge-response theory of history. When you suffer a defeat be gracious and acknowledge your opponent for winning. Resolve to be a class act in victory and defeat.
Perform simple acts of kindness whenever possible. Acts of kindness will immediately send a pleasant, positive message to whomever witnesses or benefits from them. Further, performing acts of kindness will contribute to your own feelings of happiness.
Point out the little things that you enjoy. Take note of the little things that make you happy, and mention them to others around you. Simply spreading a sense of general contentment in the spaces you share with others will cause them to value and appreciate your presence. For instance, simply mention how refreshing the air is on a particular day, or pointing out the blue jay on the tree outside the office window.
Learn how to deal with Anger and Disagreements
Take the opportunity to include others in your life. In simplest terms, invite others to join you, especially in social endeavors. For instance,whenever running into an old friend, be sure to include an invitation to the next open social gathering you’re looking forward to. Even if others are unable to attend a particular event, your invitation will come across as friendly and pleasant.

Book recommendations

Believe and Achieve by W.Clement Stone

Reading material

See these in soft-skills

Words and thoughts