Parenting - What Every Son Needs From His Father
Reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q1g1Yt-urQ&list=PLVOspl3tsfnqFED2ENKj51FJs_o-wmacE&index=5
What is it that every son wants and needs from his father?
It’s important to understand the answer to this question. Because, it not only helps us fully understand our own father wound reality but it also helps guard us from inflicting this wound on our sons.
There are five things that are essential for a healthy father-and-son relationship.
Time Together
Time together. Just time together. Experiences that build lifelong positive memories. Time together puts weight into a son’s soul that steadies him for life. It’s stuff like just taking a walk together, climbing a mountain together, working on a project together, or taking a special trip together. Just me and dad, that’s what your son is thinking. Just me and dad. And you know what else he’s thinking? He’s thinking dad didn’t just love me, he really liked me. He’s supposed to love me, but he enjoys being with me. Kids will grow up in your presence when they know you truly enjoy them. That’s what time together does.
Life Skills
Secondly, a son needs life skills. Life skills training must go beyond what he learned from books. We must equip our son with practical life skills that will help him succeed, so he won’t be standing around when the hoods up on the car, looking at the motor wondering what it is. He’ll know where the all stick is, and he’ll know what to do with. It he’ll know how to check his tires. He’ll know how to tie his tie. He’ll know how to write a thank-you note. He’ll know proper dinner etiquette well. I guess that means that we as dads will have to know proper dinner etiquette. You don’t want your son to be fumbling around when he’s 18 or even in his 20s, having to ask some other guy how to act. Because, that breeds insecurities. He’ll know how to manage his bank account. He’ll know how to save money and spend less than he makes. He’ll know how to set his own alarm and get get up by himself. He’ll know how to keep his room clean. He’ll know how to act on a date with a woman. He’ll know how to share his heart. He won’t feel like a fool in life because you have trained him up in the way he should go. Every son needs practical life skills like that from his dad.
Philosophy
Every son needs direction from his dad with solid answers to the why questions of life. More than just life skills, he needs a philosophy from dad for what life is all about. You need to be talking to your son about what’s really important. The higher things, the noble things. Having spiritual conversations and your family should be normal. Your son needs to be comfortable talking to you about deep things, not just hunting sports and cars. I mean those discussions are great but by themselves they won’t give a son direction in life.
Conviction
A son needs to establish deep life convictions. And much of this comes from his dad’s modelling. Write this down. This is an important statement. You will leave in your son what you have lived out in your home. It’s not just what you say. It’s what you do and it’s the way you react to situations. It’s the way he sees you make choices. When a son sees his dad model godly behavior, that is what builds conviction and a certain security about life.
Dads Heart
Finally and most of all what every son needs is his dad’s heart. He needs his dad’s heart. Every son needs to be loved by dad. Every son needs to be affirmed by dad. Every son needs his father’s blessing. That’s how a father gives his heart to his son. There really needs to be some marked moments where a father can cast a vision for his son, where he can affirm his strengths and gifts, and commit to help him step in to that future vision. There’s nothing that gives more weight and value to a son than to have his dad put his arm around him at strategic moments and look at him and say, son, I love you and I am so proud of you. Every son loves to hear his dad say you’re good at something. There’s nothing more powerful in a son’s life than dad’s heart.
Those are the essentials. If a son doesn’t get time with his dad, or some life skills, or some direction, some convictions, or some heart, then it leaves a huge vacuum and void in his life.